beware of the flip-flop murderer

This evening our flat resembled a scene from a Tom & Jerry cartoon. Out of the corner of my eye I saw something small and furry dart across the lounge....grabbing the nearest weapon (a tv remote control) I went in search of the offending animal.

I have killed mice with my bare hands before. One was battered to death with a wooden spoon on the kitchen floor - with a single blow of such ferocity that not only did it kill the poor mouse but also shattered the spoon. Another mouse has been electrocuted in our toaster (well, he was stupid enough to go in there) and it was only after I'd popped the bread down that I saw his head pop out of the toaster - writhing in agony as he lay trapped between the bread and the electric bars. This was perhaps the most smelly (burnt mouse is not pleasant) and grizzly death that I have witnessed - but also the most enjoyable (yes, I am a sadist).

I have even battered a mouse to death with one of Catrin's flip-flops. They are not as effective as a wooden spoon - I think it took 4 blows - and it was the most comical mouse murder you're likely to witness as the little chap appeared from a mountain of shoes (yes - Catrin's) and tried to run for its life. It almost made it to the safety of the bed - but I just managed to strike the final blow as I fell into the pile of shoes - wounding myself in the process on a stilleto.

So, back to this evening.....a tv remote proved to be unsuitable, so I quickly nipped into the kitchen to get my weapon of choice - wooden spoon. However, all I could find was a salad server (the next best thing). Armed with one in each hand, I enetered the arena in true gladiator fashion.

Turning sofas upside down, the little chap scurried off - quite possibly the quickest mouse in history. Turning the next sofa over saw him cowering under it - and it was only then that he realised that his cover was blown and I was winding up to put another colourful mark on our new carpet......but quick as a flash he was off again. I have never seen a mouse go so fast. After turning the spare room upside down (where Nesta was sleeping) I drew a blank and headed off to bed deflated.

But, sure enough within a few minutes, the mouse could be heard in the darkness nibbling away in our bedroom. He may be laughing now....but I will have the final say. My advise to you Mr Mouse - beware of the flip-flop murderer. You are a dead-mouse walking.